Danielle's the name (:
18. New York. The College at Brockport.
I do not want to go back to school I hate being away from home. I hate being alone. I always get so depressed. I have terrible anxiety about leaving. I always feel like something bad is going to happen at home when I’m at school and then I’m not going to be here. I hate college. Everyone keeps saying “It gets better” well it’s already been 5 months and it really hasn’t, at all. 3.5 years left. 7 semester. 35 months.
Layer one - Name: Danielle
I just got done doing a run for cancer, and I’m sweaty and gross and I’m walking up to my room and some guy that’s hanging out with the girls in the next room over said “Ewww” and “ugh” at me when I walked by. Like sorry I don’t impress you? And even if I didn’t just get back from running you probably would have still said that because the girls you hang out with are stupid sluts. No I don’t look like them, no I don’t always have my hair and makeup done, no I’m not skinny and no I don’t always wear cute outfits. I don’t care what you say to me or think about me for that matter because chances are if you’re hanging out with girls like that you need to sort out your priorities.
I want to go home. I hate it here. I hate being away from home and I hate always doing homework and never having any fun. I miss my friends I miss my family. And I feel like I’m going to fail every class, even though I’ll probably at this rate only fail one. But even if I did go home there aren’t any colleges that I want to go to where I could commute. I love Brockport’s campus but I hate dorming and being so far away. I’m dying. All I want to do is cry right now but I can’t because my room mate is here too. And do you know how weird it is living with three people you rarely talk to? I didn’t say one word to my suite mates today and less than 10 to my actual room mate. That’s not even normal. I just hope this year gets better or I’m not going to be able to do this anymore. I’m so depressed and lonely. But if this year doesn’t get better I don’t have any more options. I’m stuck. For the next four years. A person can be miserable for four years and survive right? I mean I’ll be home for the summers and winter and spring breaks and weekends when I work the maize in the fall. So it’s less than four years actually. I can do. I hope. It’s only four years. It’s only four years. It’s only four years. People say college is the best time of your life… they’re wrong it was high school and I wish I would have known that sooner.
Thank you for doing both jobs, without you I would be going no where in life and I would probably of ended up like my dead beat, good for nothing father. So I just want you to know how much I appreciate you and love you. Even though we fight I never really mean it, thank you for putting up with my bitchy tendencies. And thank you for kicking my father out when I was younger so I didn’t have to put up with his shit. Mom, you rock. Love you ♥