Danielle's the name (:
18. New York. The College at Brockport.
It bothers me that people keep saying “that girl” that was murdered at Brockport. Hello, she has a name. It’s Alex. Her name is Alex. By just saying “that girl” does it not seem as real to people? Does knowing her name bring it all home for you? Because she was a person, with a life, and a future and that was all taken from her much too soon and she deserves better then just being called “that girl”. Her name is Alex.
I still can’t grasp the concept that someone was murdered on my campus. I don’t even know what to think. I understand that it wasn’t random and it was her boyfriend but still. Imagine if someone was in the wrong place at the wrong time and he killed another innocent person. I’m terrified to go back tomorrow. But I’ll just be on my guard even more. No more late night runs on campus, I’m sticking to SERC. And I’m never going anywhere alone. I just don’t even know what to think.
I want to go home. I hate it here. I hate being away from home and I hate always doing homework and never having any fun. I miss my friends I miss my family. And I feel like I’m going to fail every class, even though I’ll probably at this rate only fail one. But even if I did go home there aren’t any colleges that I want to go to where I could commute. I love Brockport’s campus but I hate dorming and being so far away. I’m dying. All I want to do is cry right now but I can’t because my room mate is here too. And do you know how weird it is living with three people you rarely talk to? I didn’t say one word to my suite mates today and less than 10 to my actual room mate. That’s not even normal. I just hope this year gets better or I’m not going to be able to do this anymore. I’m so depressed and lonely. But if this year doesn’t get better I don’t have any more options. I’m stuck. For the next four years. A person can be miserable for four years and survive right? I mean I’ll be home for the summers and winter and spring breaks and weekends when I work the maize in the fall. So it’s less than four years actually. I can do. I hope. It’s only four years. It’s only four years. It’s only four years. People say college is the best time of your life… they’re wrong it was high school and I wish I would have known that sooner.
You know I’m usually okay with the fact that I have no friends. But today all I wanted to do was go get some ice cream and I texted four people to see if they wanted too. Three of them were with other people and one was going to work. Hooray for being all alone. I’ll probably end up going by myself to go get the ice cream. Bye.
I’m so exhausted, but lately I don’t want to sleep when I’m tired because I have such good dreams and its such a disappointment to wake up from them and know its not real.
I knew it was all too good to be true. I honestly wish he never would have texted me at all. I’m glad we talked for a solid two days and I’ll most likely never speak to him again. It’s a sad sad life.